The Frozen Ground (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 11:06 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 5.7/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 6/10

THE FROZEN GROUND (2013) - Scott Walker

Robert Christian Hansen is a serial killer who, between 1971 and 1983, raped and assaulted over thirty Alaskan women, and is responsible for the murder of at least another seventeen. Convicted in '83, he is currently serving 461 years in Spring Creek Correctional Center. Out of the seventeen he murdered, only eleven of the victims' bodies were ever recovered.

The Frozen Ground begins with the escape of Cindy Paulson (Vanessa Hudgens), the only survivor of Hansen's rampage. The film then goes on to tell the true story of Sergeant Jack Halcombe (Nicolas Cage), who goes on a personal manhunt and  successfully brings the serial killer Hansen (John Cusack) to justice.

Yes, the film sounds unbelievably cliche, for it consists of every single CSI episode you have probably seen. In the end, we know that the killer will get caught, and the first half will always emphasize on how horrifying his acts are. If there is one negative adjective to describe this, it would be "predictable." Then again, as long as the film remains faithful to its own substance, then we can and should be forgiving. Fortunately, The Frozen Ground takes its subject very seriously.

In terms of directing and camerawork, the film was good enough, not award-winning but not illogical or poorly done. The main component that sells its premise and plot is the use of location. Similar to The Grey and other Swedish films that take place in the winter, the film manages to get us to feel the cold, and it settles really well for a tense and dread-building atmosphere. In a way, the snowy state of Alaska is a character on its own.

For your greatest surprise, Nicolas Cage is fabulous here, playing a consistent, determined, and knowledgeable man who knows exactly what he is doing and how to achieve his goal. Yes, it is a tone down from his best works, but it is proof that he is getting back on the right track again. If he succeeds in another satisfying movie, he can most definitely attempt a turn around. He holds an interesting and suspenseful chemistry with Vanessa Hudgens on the screen, being the "caretaker" to the victim. As for his chemistry with Cusack, the air is thin, the music is quiet, and the stakes are tremendously high within the words they throw at each other.

Earlier in the year, Hudgens appeared in the explicit commentary-throwing Spring Breakers, in which she delivered quite a consistent performance. Though her character does not have much backstory nor substance, she portrayed a specific kind of archetype with great accuracy. Here, she does it again for a victim of rape and near-murder. Though I question her motivations of running away every single time, even during illogical moments, her character here is one who constantly lives in fear, hoping that the law can bring down the man who hunted her. She gives great pacing in line delivery and knows when it is best not to speak in a meaningful scene. In terms of her career, Hudgens seems to be on the right path, though it would be more eye-opening to see her do something less on the sexual side.

The main star in The Frozen Ground, however, is John Cusack, who plays the cold-blooded chameleon of a killer. He has a family, he works in a bakery, and he blends in. When he speaks, he speaks slowly and calmly, as if everything has already been planned out the way he wanted it. When he treats his victims, there is a sense of respect, but an evil respect where he "kindly" talks. To everyone else in the town, he is a respected citizen, which explains why nobody ever was suspicious of him in the first place. Cusack plays that quiet ghost perfectly, as he is slowly exposed to everyone by Cage, becoming the true psychotic man underneath. If there is one good reason to see the formulaic that is The Frozen Ground, it would be Cusack's performance.

In conclusion, though it offers nothing new to its genre, The Frozen Ground remains a serious, faithful, and intense piece of crime mystery cinema. Based on a horrifying true story, the film settles in a cold environment and takes off there with fine performances from all three leads. In its end credits, the film reveals that it is dedicated to all the victims, known and unknown. Honestly, though The Frozen Ground is not considerably a "great film," every victim would be thankful of this piece being made.

Blackfish (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 6:54 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products

Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 9.8/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 9/10

BLACKFISH (2013) - Gabriela Cowperthwaite

Even if people argue that animals are different from humans, the process of keeping creatures in captivity is morally questionable. In this case, we are dealing with dolphins and whales, which have been scientifically studied to be the closest animal to humans in intelligence. They have problem solving skills, social traits, and even a portion of their brains that reside in emotion. In a similar fashion as the 2009 Best Documentary winner The CoveBlackfish brings us into the world of orca killer whales and the circumstances that they are living in in captivity.

Blackfish is a Sundance Official Selection documentary that mainly revolves around Tilikum, a 22.5 feet long bull orca that has been living in captivity since his capture in 1983. He is the largest orca in captivity today, and is most notoriously known for being involved in the deaths of three people, the third victim, Dawn Bracheau, being the main focus of Blackfish. The documentary also explores the moral ethics behind keeping whales captive as well as the inside talk that SeaWorld and business people go through during each controversial incident, all in the backdrop of interviews among whale researchers and former SeaWorld whale trainers.

To begin with, the documentary reveals that SeaWorld lies about the "fact" that whales in captivity live longer than out in the wild. Clearly, there has been scientific evidence that killer whales can have nearly the same lifespan as humans.

What Blackfish does best at is it immediately begins by telling us what happened to Tilikum and why he is a popular orca whale. In fact, the documentary begins with a short conversation about the description of the Dawn's death. Afterwards, through several interviews, the film spends the first half personifying and humanizing not only Tilikum, but all orca whales in general. From the deaths of baby orcas during capture to Tilikum being harassed by fellow captive whales, we slowly understand that all these incidents and living conditions build up or contribute to what is inevitably going to be aggression. The most tragic thing is... the people who pay for it are the whale trainers... the people who didn't do anything, and more, attempt to bond with the whales.

There is also a scene where a mother orca has her daughter taken away from her, moved to another park. The response of the mother is so heartbreaking, you can almost feel the humanity, the soul, and the heart behind that grieving creature...

Though the documentary may appear to be a bit manipulative or maybe even one-sided, Blackfish, with the help of the director, provides just enough factual evidence to back up their statements. These range from court dialogue to past news broadcasts to newspaper articles. The subject alone may be a smaller less widespread one than other award-winning contenders, but the film itself remains faithful and deep in its content and successfully makes its subject become an important one, no matter how small its scope is.

In the end, when we look at the incidents caused by Tilikum and other whales, incidents that have spanned over twenty years, we conclude what lessons we have learned. The answer is nothing. We have learned absolutely nothing for twenty years and we are still allowing these unnecessary deaths and accidents to occur. Worse, the media has the power to go on and accuse the wrong side. Once we are given a chance to look at both sides of the aisle, we can't help but just think "How dare they?"

In conclusion, Blackfish is a compelling haunting documentary that makes us rethink about whales in captivity in SeaWorld. I, for sure, am not going to look at SeaWorld and other aquatic parks the same way again. This should and will be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Documentary, and I will be there to support it if it actually wins. Emotionally stirring and magnetic to watch, Blackfish delivers like a heart-pounding eye-opener, with enough factual evidence and storytelling to shock and compel. In the end, when we see the former whale trainers go out into the wild to observe wild killer whales, we understand that these creatures are meant to be in the wild, meant to be together as a family, meant to be free.

The Bling Ring (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 10:23 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 6/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 5/10

THE BLING RING (2013) - Sofia Coppola

Yes, this is a true story, a story of seven teenagers and young adults who burgled the homes of several celebrities from 2008 to 2009. These celebrities include Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Orlando Bloom. Stealing over three million dollars in cash and belongings, the group became a cultural icon to the public, revealing a sobering view of our modern culture.

The Bling Ring is the film depiction of this group's several burglaries, parties, and nights of their lives, before they are inevitably caught and prosecuted. The film mainly revolves around five teenagers in the film, including Marc Hall (Israel Broussard), Rebecca Ahn (Katie Chang), and Nicki Moore (Emma Watson).

For sure, the film efficiently shows Sofia Coppola's visual style in directing. If you have seen her long wide takes before in films like Somewhere, then expect them here. Though the film depicted several burglaries, there is a single burglary scene that is consisted of one wide shot, showing the entire house with silhouette figures walking back and forth with clothing and bags in their hands, and runs for about a minute or two straight without cutting away. For sure, the film is artistic and beautifully filmed.

The editing alone is a bit flabby, cutting away at awkward times, but at other moments, holds a stylistic flavor, especially when the group looks up information regarding each celebrity on the internet. In strangely similar ways as Spring BreakersThe Bling Ring finds moments in which the characters are caught up in their moment of infinite happiness, as if they have everything they ever wanted. The slow motion kicks in, the music swells up, and the audience is engulfed.

Unfortunately, that is all that The Bling Ring has to offer, which is shamelessly less than it could have delivered. Just like in her previous films, Sofia Coppola leans away from characterization and dives straight into the art of cinematography and pacing instead. Prioritizing on one aspect of the film is one thing. Focusing on that aspect alone and nothing else is another. As a result, even when Emma Watson pulls off an interesting performance, she cannot fight against Nicki's shallow personality and cardboard archetype.

Though there are five characters in the film, practically all of them have the same personality with no backstory given. Without origin or explanation of motivation, the narrative only scratches the surface and never dives into the substance of the subject, which is a real disappointment when the film is about a group that defined a culture. One can easily remake the film and have the group steal from any random wealthy man. It didn't need to be about The Bling Ring. If David Fincher came to the director's chair instead, he might make this a second Social Network. Script would become an emphasis, editing will become smart, and dialogue amongst characters will become fast and clever. Sadly, with Coppola leading, the film did little to no thematic exploration.

In conclusion, The Bling Ring is another failed attempt at Coppola engaging the audience from the characters' world, almost like her signature in filmmaking. There is a sense of disconnect for substance, a confusion over what the film actually wants to say, and overall becomes an underwhelming effort that should have been so much more powerful. Just like the characters in the film, The Bling Ring is sadly shallow, in which unique filmmaking and intriguing performances cannot possibly save.

Fast & Furious 6 (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 2:19 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 6.9/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 8/10

FAST & FURIOUS 6 (2013) - Justin Lin

The Fast & Furious franchise, from this point on, will be known as one of the greatest turn-around series in film history. It began with only thin plotlines of car racing, grossing less than $400 million worldwide, then evolved into a heist plot in the fifth entry with over $620 million, to the current one this year, grossing over $780 million. Today, it is known as Universal Studio's most successful franchise of all time. However, when the sixth film's title card arrives, it only says "Furious 6." Why not just call it that then? We see Fast & Furious 6 everywhere on the posters and trailers. Come to think of it, Furious 6 has an interesting ring with its previous Fast Five. It sounds cooler, more slick...

Furious 6 continues where Fast Five left off, revolving around Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel), living a peaceful quiet life with Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker), Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster), and their newborn baby. He is soon tracked down by Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) once more, this time persuading him to help take down a former British Special Forces soldier named Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), after showing him a recent photo of his long-dead girlfriend Letty Ortiz (Michelle Rodriguez). After gathering his crew together one more time, Dom accepts the mission in exchange for having all of their criminal records wiped clean, allowing them to return home to the United States.

Just like the previous installment, the chemistry between Diesel and Johnson is ingenious to watch. Two big tough guys work together to take down a common enemy. Whoever is messing with the duo is in big trouble. Once again, the film has a great sense of comedy, all delivered through lines of dialogue within the group, proving that the witty screenwriting from Fast Five still has some fuel left to run this entry. Though most of the funny moments occur between Ludacris and Tyrese Gibson, there still exists a bond among the people. Like they say it, they are a family.

Furious 6 for sure has a load of preposterous action sequences, in which cars defy gravity and characters defy physics. There is an entire scene with a tank and a finale with a plane, or "planet," that jazzes up the entire screen with explosive entertainment. And again, the film slows down at crucial moments, developing characterization and building suspense for the plot. The pacing of the romantic subplot between Dom and Letty is careful and aware. Any person who has seen the previous films would know that the two loved each other very much, and that Letty's death in the fourth installment was a scar to the lead characters. Now that she is alive, our favorite criminals attempt to bring her back.

In my review of Fast Five, I wrote that I would be returning to the theaters to see a sixth entry, hoping that it is just as enjoyable. Fortunately, it is. Might not be as straightforward and complete in storytelling and plot, but just as explosive and exciting and electrifying to watch. Ever since the franchise departed from the street racing theme and became a general action genre, the Fast & Furious movies have just earned themselves a much larger and better audience. 

In conclusion, Furious 6 works the formula of the series like a Formula One. The outer shell of the vehicle may look cleaner and newer, but deep down, the engine and gears are still the same. Composed of everything that made Fast Five so furiously original in the franchise, Furious 6 is the brand new carmageddon, proving that this new vehicle can run just as well a second time, living life on the fast lane.

The World's End (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 4:26 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 9/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 9/10

THE WORLD'S END (2013) - Edgar Wright

This is it. The final installment of Edgar Wright's Three Flavours Cornetto trilogy, the previous two films being Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. All the major players are back and the crew is here on their third roller coaster ride, and the ride alone is thankfully one of the most enjoyable ones this year.

The World's End revolves around Gary King (Simon Pegg), a hedonistic alcoholic, a crazy fast-talking cock of a man. He says that he is one of a kind. I cannot agree more. There is indeed only one Gary King. The film follows King as he tracks down his four estranged friends to complete the Golden Mile, an infamous pub crawl that includes twelve pubs total, located in their hometown of Newton Haven. The group attempted the crawl twenty years earlier as teenagers, but failed to reach the final pub, known as The World's End. Of course, King's friends have all moved on to have adult lives and responsibilities. King himself, on the other hand, remains the same over the years. In the middle of their crawl, the group discovers that the town has been invaded by alien robots.

Story-wise, it seems like the aliens have nothing to do with the story of the group's pub crawl. You will be surprised. There is an efficient thematic tie-in that makes the entire film make sense.

If you have ever seen Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz before, then you will find The World's End very familiar in the visual department --the editing, the sound effects, and the stylistic transitions are still here. Its fast pace makes the entire film feel hyper, and pretty soon, you'll feel hyper and pumped along with it. As a result, the movie can feel a lot funnier than it is supposed to be, which is a good thing. For sure, watch all three Edgar Wright films together back to back.

The World's End, through many heartful moments, proves that it is Simon Pegg's most original performance, though in terms of best performance, it's a tad short of portraying Shaun. Here, he talks unbelievably fast, and remains a jerk to his friends, yet his friends still deal with him. On our perspectives, though, he is hilarious and the type that we are willing to tolerate comically. For Nick Frost, on the other hand, he is surely the best in this film out of all others. For me specificallly, the cliche "loser" archetype that Frost plays in almost every British comedy was starting to get old, and here he plays a character who is serious and sincere, but through alcohol, becomes crazy. For the rest of the supporting cast, they each have a thin but classifiable personality, and thankfully, every line of dialogue they say fits who they are.

In case you have never seen the films from the Pegg/Frost duo, note this: This is classic golden British comedy. It is the kind of comedy where either you are on board or you are not. For me personally, they hit and miss. The language is vulgar, very vulgar. There's drugs and alcohol. The humor is crude, violent, and cynical. Yet, with the help of Wright's direction, the entire tone and atmosphere of The World's End is hilarious.

In conclusion, The World's End is the same reckless heartful piece produced from Edgar Wright and my favorite comedic duo that's alive today. With the sharpest dialogue, stylistic editing, and a large plethora of entertaining scenes, Wright's final installment finishes off with intriguing commentary about society today that fortunately fits in perfectly with the plot, without pushing itself. Like the lead character, The World's End is a reckless but lovable circus.

Lee Daniel's The Butler (2013)


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 10:33 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews
RT Critics Rating: 7.2/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 8/10

LEE DANIELS' THE BUTLER (2013) - Lee Daniels

Although Lee Daniels had a previous success with the film Precious, something tells me that he is becoming another Spike Lee, and I do not think that is a good thing... At least Daniels knows how to pour his passion into his pieces without being preachy or completely one-sided.

The Butler tells the story of Cecil Gaines (Forest Whitaker), an African American who eyewitnesses several significant events regarding civil rights in the 20th century during his 34-year service as a White House butler, from Eisenhower to Reagan. He is married to Gloria (Oprah Winfrey) and has two children, the eldest son Louis (David Oyelowo) being a constant fighter for equal rights. As years and decades progress, Gaines finds himself torn between the world of the whites and the world of the blacks.

To avoid confusion on whether or not this film is worth seeing, and the fact that there are more flaws than there are strengths, I will point out the problems first:

For each president in the film, they were all well portrayed for each of their screen time, which is sadly only about fifteen minutes each, which slowly leans into the problem with The Butler: the pacing and directing. Each presidency in the film feels episodic, and when one presidency ends, the next one instantly begins, with text revealing how many years have passed. The problem is the film awkwardly transitions at this point, which, due to the amount of presidencies, happens at least four to five times throughout its narrative.

In terms of casting the historical figures, they were great. Robin Williams plays Dwight Eisenhower, James Marsden plays John F. Kennedy, Liev Schreiber as Lyndon B. Johnson, John Cusack as Richard Nixon, and Alan Rickman as Ronald Reagan. Also, you get a nice cameo appearance of Jane Fonda as Reagan's wife. Regrettably, given all of these great actors, they are "just there" to play the character. Honestly, they could have been played by any actor who just needs to look similar to the presidents.

Unfortunately, this type of episodic uneven narrative also applies to every historical event that the film portrays, from the Freedom Riders to the Black Panthers. In terms of historical accuracy, the film stays faithful, and efficiently chooses real black and white footage or real radio broadcasts to portray these events in the most realistic way possible. The problem that this causes, though, is that the film ultimately begins jumping between telling the story of Cecil and telling us the horrors that occurred out in the streets. Sometimes, the realistic footage can come off as heavy-handed gimmicks that gets the audience's emotions to be manipulated. At the same time, in some way, The Butler can feel like a history lesson of which civil rights event came first and which event came next. For sure, there are many moments in the film that are excellent. There is a scene where Cecil is invited to a state dinner. The aftermath of that is brilliantly staged. Sadly, the rest of the film can feel like a history mini-series crammed into two hours and twelve minutes.

If I can make one correction to The Butler, it would be, strangely, to extend the film by another hour. Stretch out the narrative more. Give each historical event some space for the audience to breath and let us feel the amount of time that has passed. Give some extra room for Cecil's younger years so that we become more emotionally compelled. The film may be a biopic about the civil rights movement, but it is still "a film made to tell a story," and if this means it would become a three hour long historical epic, then so be it. It's for the good of the movie as well as us, the audience. Gone With the Wind was four hours long and it needed to be.

Without Forest Whitaker playing the lead and an appealing cast, The Butler would be worth practically nothing. Whitaker gives one of his best performances, on par with his haunting portrayal of Idi Amin in The Last King of Scotland. Through facial ticks, eye twitching, and pauses between line deliveries, Whitaker delivers his character's feelings, thoughts, and emotion through to the audience. Even when the narrative focuses more heavily on the history of the civil rights movement than the actual character of Cecil, Whitaker holds enough power to carry the film on his shoulders. I would not be surprised if Whitaker receives an Oscar nomination for Actor in Leading Role.

Backing up his performance is a very lovable supporting cast, including a surprisingly devoted performance by Oprah Winfrey, who portrays a caring wife and mother torn between her two sons' lives and the constant absence of her husband. Oyelowo plays a very determined and passionate fighter for African American rights throughout the film. You feel and root for him in one of his main scenes that involves sitting at a counter, as well as any chemistry moments between him and Whitaker, as father and son. Cuba Gooding Jr. portrays the lead butler in the White House and one of Cecil's best friends, playing the stereotypical comic relief character. Almost every supporting act here is made to enhance our attention on Whitaker's performance as our most lovable butler.

At the end of the day, even though The Butler suffers from more problems than it does strengths, the film is a prime example of its strengths outweighing its flaws. Despite its problems, the movie is filmed and put together with a passion, with strong efforts from both cast and crew. With this kind of scope, the film could have ended up a whole lot worse. It is inevitably ambitious and bold, and that alone deserves respect.

In conclusion, The Butler serves as an emotional Hollywood-style epic that revolves around the experience of African Americans in the land of the free, while following just a simple little man in a simple family. In certain ways, you can call the film Forrest Gump Civil Rights Version. It has a similar sentimentality. It may be short of greatness for directing and storytelling, but The Butler is still passionately executed with an exceptional cast and is inevitably tender to watch.

The Top Twenty Worst Films of All Time


Posted by Maria Mills | Posted on 10:33 PM | Posted in

Clickbank Products
Movie Analysis written by: Born Movie Reviews


I am a firm believer that there are more bad movies out there than there are good movies. To me, it's practically a fact. As a critic, it is my job, and partial passion, to observe certain bad films in each year so I can discourage them to public viewers. At the same time, I avoid many other horrible movies because, honestly, I deserve better too. As a result, there are most definitely other films out there that are worse than the following twenty. In addition, there are many movies out there that can easily be placed on this list -- films like Troll 2 or The Room. They won't be here. This list is dedicated to specifically films that were greenlit by big budget studios. So, here are the top twenty worst films of all time... that I had the misfortune of seeing:

20. PUSH

Push is the film that takes place in a world where there are nine types of superhumans, and centers on a group of people attempting to take down the government agency Division, which is using a drug to enhance powers. Starring Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning, Push does little to no explanation in its narrative. Worse, its script is familiar and cliche, without taking breaks to progress characterization. The minute the plot begins, the movie never holds up ever again, trotting along without a rhythm.

Full review:


Yeah, this is the sequel to the first Alien vs Predator, where the Predator ship gets attacked by an Alien/Predator hybrid and crashes into a town. Of course, the Aliens run out and begin killing everyone. On the Predator home planet, a single lone Predator is assigned to clean up the mess. This entire film does nothing but show cardboard characters, who we do not care about, get brutally killed by either an Alien or a Predator. The violence and gore is definitely up there in the R-rating, but the worst thing is you can barely see a thing. The entire movie is dark, as in literally dark. Add on heavy rain, and the film becomes the greatest challenge to see what is going on. The editing is too fast, the camerawork is annoyingly shaky, the characters are shallow, and the violence is excessive, Requiem is the biggest excuse to make money.

Full review:


For sure, a superhero movie becomes painstakingly bad when all the actors in the cast are terrible, whether they are facial expressions or line deliveries. Fantastic Four is the most goofy and cheesy entry to the superhero genre, with barely any substance that keeps the humanity in each hero. Though the visual effects themselves are entertaining and the makeup effect done on The Thing is admirable, the script is really what drained the powers away from Fantastic Four. As for the sequel, the same flaws plagued the film, and not even improved special effects and action sequences can save it. Oh and, I do not care how hot or sexy Jessica Alba is. She. can't. act.

17. RV

Out of all the lame Robin Williams comedies, RV is probably the most preposterous, in which you will find yourself laughing with guilt or facepalming with extreme embarrassment. The formulaic story of a disconnected family coming together on a road trip is getting old, and when the jokes are not fresh and the execution is not organic, the entire movie becomes very wheezy and contrived. For sure, Williams himself is very likable and there are very few moments where you pity him. Then again, you will feel bad for Robin Williams instead of his character, if you know what I mean. Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, who did the Men in Black films, RV is a disappointing entry from both director and actor.


In terms of comparing it to the book, Eragon is an absolute disgrace, trashing away more than half of Christopher Paolini's novel. In terms of just a film, Eragon has one of the flattest acting in years, with a formulaic story of a farm boy who leaves his home to join an old man, finding himself drawn into a large conflict with an evil emperor. It is practically the story of Star Wars: A New Hope, but set in the world of Lord of the Rings. One sad thing about Eragon is the fact that Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich are both in the cast, sadly ruined. The effects are impressive, though, especially the dragon, which is probably the most faithful thing in the entire movie. The script, acting, directing, and execution, on the other hand, is the most dull direct-to-video quality I have seen in years. So don't even begin to ask me how it kills the novel. It kills itself.


There are so many films out there where it stars live-action actors and some computer-generated character, and they both share the screen together. Films like Alvin & the ChipmunksGarfield, and The Smurfs are just a few examples. I do not doubt that all those films can also be on my worst of all time list. Fortunately for me, I did not see those movies. Unfortunately for me, I did see both Scooby-Doo films, and they are horrible in the most embarrassing way possible. Though Matthew Lillard successfully pulls off an amazing impersonation of Shaggy, the rest of the cast has uncannily stiff acting, and the CGI work on Scooby can win a Razzie Award on its own. For a loud kids movie like this, both films actually manage to be "boring," in which nothing interesting happens. True, a lot of visual candy happens on screen, but nothing interesting in the story is there. Kids might get a kick out of it, but older audience members will surely not. In fact, when the kids grow up, both Scooby-Doo films will become prime examples of movies in which the kids will ask themselves in the future why they liked it when they were younger.


The directing may be more visually stylish than the previous film, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is plagued and cursed by some of the dumbest one-liners in movie history, along with an inconsistent performance by Nicolas Cage. The visual effects look like they belong in a film that is ten years older, and the camerawork is shaky once again, a classic trait that has infected so many action films today. Spirit of Vengeance is the prime example of a movie that had so much potential to improve on its predecessor, but this time the filmmakers did not even try. It is the worst film of 2012, and frankly, it is one of the worst films of all time.


What?! How can Batman & Robin be only #13 on this list? Because honestly truly, the next twelve films are worse than this, but that does not save the neck for Joel Schumacher's misfire. With one of the worst casts in a movie, Batman & Robin is full of dreadful dialogue, almost all of them delivered by Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. The acting is inconsistent and ridiculous, and the sets are absolutely laughable, going from a forest-looking playground for kids to a set made for Batman On Ice. It's true that Batman & Robin can be a movie where you get entertainment by laughing at it, but in terms of a film, this piece of bat-junk is so limp and tongue-in-cheek, there is nothing much to say anymore.

12. ZOOM

There are bad Robin Williams movies, and then there are bad Tim Allen movies. Out of all of the bad Tim Allen movies, the worst one is probably Zoom, where the film leeches off of everything we have seen a couple years earlier, from The Incredibles to Fantastic Four to Sky High. Think of those three, and take away laughs, crowd-pleasers, and wit. It is so sad that Tim Allen has been in horrible films like this as well as such clever masterpieces like Galaxy QuestZoom is a shocking waste of time, a copycat for family movies that fails to have any substance. Come to think of it, the heroes here are kids... I just thought of another better film you can watch instead. Spy Kids. That makes four examples now.


If you have ever seen the trailer for the film as well, you were probably fooled into thinking that the kangaroo in the movie talks. Nope, that does not happen either. Worst marketing trick ever. I remember being fooled as a kid, and even as a kid, I was disappointed and mad beyond belief when I saw the actual movie. It was horribly dumb back then, it is still horribly dumb today. When the story is about a pair of losers attempting to retrieve money back from a wild kangaroo, you know that this movie does not even care. Worse, the film appeals to kids, and is rated PG, but I promise you, you will lose count how much violence and sexual jokes are in it. Completely unacceptable.

We are now in the top ten... things are about to get exceptionally bad... appallingly bad...


Oh boy. Just like how Zoom trashes superhero films, Premonition trashes mystery thrillers like Memento and Sixth Sense. All you need to do is subtract logic, likable characters, and substance, and replace those elements with flashbacks, flashbacks, and... more flashbacks. Poorly acted by Sandra Bullock, though I do not blame her much, Premonition comes in with a shoe horned script of themes. Confusingly paced, the film creates no suspense nor a sense to care. And to make the movie even more out of the blue, the film becomes religious halfway in. If I were to pick one word to describe Premonition, it is "sloppy."


Let me start by saying I am a critic who actually enjoyed Space Jam, the famous collaboration between live actors and the lovable characters from the Looney Tunes cartoons. This time, the filmmakers attempt to do it again, but with the loudest energy and the smallest effort. The plot makes little to no sense, too looney and wacky beyond comprehension, and thus the pacing of the film is convoluted and jumbled up. For a film like Back in Action, it is even less tolerable when almost every frame is flooded with Looney Tunes characters, rendering the product as a visual cacophony. Watching Back in Action is like eating too much sugar, and someone asks you to imagine what a movie would be like if Looney Tunes was combined with an unfunny Brendan Fraser and Steve Martin with a horrible haircut.


What?! How can The Happening be only #8 on this list? Because honestly, in a similar way as Batman & Robin, the next seven films are worse. Yes, this is the film that everyone talked about, as one of the worst films of M. Night Shyamalan, where the plot is about plants releasing a deadly toxin that causes humans to kill themselves. In contrast to Shyamalan's previous films like Sixth Sense and SignsThe Happening is very poorly acted and poorly written and is unbelievably slow in the pacing department. For sure, the film is boring, and once in a while is unintentionally funny, which leads me to call The Happening as one of the funniest films ever that never wanted to be funny. With Mark Wahlberg in the leading role and Zooey Deschanel in the supporting chair (why is she in this movie?), The Happening is so idiotic and incoherent.


You know, there are just some films out there where its sole purpose is to anger everyone. Fortunately for me, I was never a fan of Dragonball. At the same time, I know the pain that everyone felt. Dragonball Evolution to the original cult sensation is basically the Mortal Kombat movie to the original game. The film's CGI is good at some quick moments and then appear unrendered in others, the dialogue is terrible, the narrative overall does not ever try to have suspense, excitement, nor entertainment. This is not just a bastardization of the original series, it is a bastardization of filmmaking. I openly volunteer to stand on the receiving end of a Kamehameha wave...


When a Scary Movie becomes bad even in terms of a Scary Movie, you know that all hope is lost. Scary Movie V is the prime example of a horror parody that no longer even tries at being a parody. It plays like an inside joke for a group of people, and because they have the money to make a movie, they make one and expect everyone else to be on board. Sadly, we're not and we never will be. Without Anna Faris, the film no longer has the charm and innocent ridicule in its content. In fact, in terms of style and jokes, this does not even feel like a Scary Movie. It is dumb, sloppy, and unorganized, and its funniest joke is a pop culture joke, not a parody on a horror film. The scariest thing about Scary Movie V, though, is the possibility of making another sequel...

Full review:

This is it... the top five worst films of all time... This is the point where I start to get real angry...


..............Can I just say that this movie is so painfully *unfunny*? The worst part about it is you can see how hard the movie is trying to be funny without Jim Carrey as the lead character. The CGI is bad, the tone is crazy as if the director is high or had too much coffee, and the entire execution is stupid. There is no story worth talking about for this movie. This is just a cluster of loud scenarios in which things get wrecked. For sure, Son of the Mask is the worst sequel ever made. It will soon become a prime example of a $1 movie that is found at the bottom of bargain bins in stores like Wal-Mart. Believe me, it is not even worth the money for that. That one dollar can be used to buy something else. Some delicious little sweet deserves better.


When the entire film is filled with double entendres, flat jokes, and potty humor, you know that The Cat in the Hat is truly fell downhill towards a pit. Mike Myers fails to charm the audience with his poor impression of the lively Cat, something that even Jim Carrey was able to pull off in How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Instead, Myers has created a character who annoys. The worst thing about this film is.... practically everything. The directing, the execution, the tone, everything. I cannot help but ask "What kind of sick person thought that this was appropriate to kids?" and "What kind of idiot thought that this would be funny and greenlit this?" You know another thing that's horrible about this film? Paris Hilton shows up in it...


This is the greatest disaster the superhero genre has ever faced, in which no one, not even the filmmakers, care for the hero. Even with Halle Berry as the lead, the film is led away by the director, who uses flashy images and no substance. Berry portrays a character who soon dies and is then revived as Catwoman. Why she is revived, the film never explains. In addition, just because she now has the traits of a cat does not mean she can now climb around buildings like a spider, or possess martial arts skills. Furthermore, Berry is just downright terrible in this movie, so terrible that it is impossible to believe that she has won an Oscar before. For sure, in the future, Catwoman is a superhero trash in which all future superhero trash would be judged. In the year 2011, when Green Lantern was released, I remember how bad the film was. In response, I told myself that at least it wasn't Catwoman. It is as if the film believes that we audience members are cats and have nine lives, and that the film is out to kill one of them. You think we lost one and have eight left? Sorry, you killed us.


You were waiting for me to talk about this one, right? Am I allowed to say I'm too tired to talk about this? Am I allowed to just link you to the full review that I have written in the past? Because by now, you probably already know everything that is wrong with The Last Airbender, which is basically... everything. I will just be straightforward here: The Last Airbender is one out of two films in which I have given a rating of zero. The other film is coming up...

Full review:

1. MOVIE 43

.......No, I still don't know why it is called Movie 43. I have no idea, okay? But I do know that I want to burn this movie 43 times, and I have made more than 43 attempts to forget this movie. Sadly, they have all failed. This is not a movie. This is a crime against filmmaking that represents everything wrong with Hollywood and the film industry in America today. Period.

Full review: