Born Movie Reviews

Movie Review written by: Born Movie Reviews

RT Critics Rating: 0.5/10

Born Movie Reviews' Rating: 1/10

Somebody please explain to me why a Scary Movie installment would laugh at Rise of the Planet of the Apes and Inception....

To be perfectly honest, I enjoyed Scary Movie 3 and 4, and I was not too tired nor angry to see another installment of the Scary Movie franchise. After all, it has been seven years since the previous film was released. With all that time on their hands, this was the best they have come up with?! It is almost as if they are trying to create a worthy opponent against this year's earlier trash, Movie 43.

If you are familiar with the Scary Movie's, you would know that each installment mocks a small group of famous Hollywood horror films. With a straightforward list, Scary Movie V mocks Paranormal Activity, Mama, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Evil Dead, Black Swan, and Inception. Without spoiling the plot, not that you would care about the plot being spoiled, I will entertain you with a summary and point out which portion connects to which film.

Scary Movie V revolves around Jody (Ashley Tisdale) and her husband, who choose to take in the husband's three neices, who were found in a cabin in the woods. After moving in with the three little girls, a malevolent spirit moves in with them (Mama). Suspicious of weird happenings in the house, the couple decide to put on security cameras and record everything (Paranormal Activity). Jody works as a ballet dancer who gets chosen to play the lead in Swan Lake (Black Swan) and her husband works in the laboratory with apes (Rise of the Planet of the Apes).

The way the movie connected Mama with Paranormal Activity together is quite interesting, although Mama is supposed to look like a floating black ghost with long hair, not the mother of Samara from The Ring.

The only funny moment in this film is the opening scene, which is a rather amusing and culturally aware mockery of Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan. If only this ran as the main focus of the movie. The rest of the movie are all random over-the-top jokes being excreted out of the screenwriters lazy asses. Even in Scary Movie standards, this is not funny enough. You may laugh a few times at how ridiculous the jokes are, and you may shake your head at how dreadful the jokes are. For me, I broke Rule #2 in my rulebook: No texting or talking on the phone.

Probably the biggest and most horrendous pitfall for this entry is three words: No Anna Faris. If the lead female we all loved from the franchise is not going to be here, then what's the point of having it? Admit it, the Scary Movie's are bad movies, but because of Faris' charisma on screen, we just feel more comfortable taking in what we are seeing. I am nowhere near as comfortable seeing an unorganized laundry list of illogical jokes starring an actress from the Disney channel. Not even a Mike Tyson cameo or a reference to 50 Shades of Grey can save this.

If I can point out one good thing about Scary Movie V, it does remind me of all the good horror movies that it was laughing at. The first Paranormal Activity was good, Mama was good, and Evil Dead was great. But when the parody version of Evil Dead's Mia says to us "You're all gonna die tonight," I'm sorry to say this but we have already died since the first fifteen minutes.

In conclusion, Scary Movie V is an ugly and vile catastrophe even in the standards of the Scary Movie franchise. It is as if a group of immature and unqualified people decided to make an impersonation of the franchise and call it the fifth installment. By the way, I used the word "people" and not "filmmakers" for a reason. The only way you can possibly see enjoyment in this is if you just finished Movie 43. But that's not saying much.