Born Movie Reviews

Movie Analysis written by: Born Movie Reviews

I am a firm believer that there are more bad movies out there than there are good movies. To me, it's practically a fact. As a critic, it is my job, and partial passion, to observe certain bad films in each year so I can discourage them to public viewers. At the same time, I avoid many other horrible movies because, honestly, I deserve better too. As a result, there are most definitely other films out there that are worse than the following twenty. In addition, there are many movies out there that can easily be placed on this list -- films like Troll 2 or The Room. They won't be here. This list is dedicated to specifically films that were greenlit by big budget studios. So, here are the top twenty worst films of all time... that I had the misfortune of seeing:

20. PUSH

Push is the film that takes place in a world where there are nine types of superhumans, and centers on a group of people attempting to take down the government agency Division, which is using a drug to enhance powers. Starring Chris Evans and Dakota Fanning, Push does little to no explanation in its narrative. Worse, its script is familiar and cliche, without taking breaks to progress characterization. The minute the plot begins, the movie never holds up ever again, trotting along without a rhythm.

Full review: http://dragoneyesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2012/04/push-2009.html

19. ALIENS VS PREDATOR REQUIEM

Yeah, this is the sequel to the first Alien vs Predator, where the Predator ship gets attacked by an Alien/Predator hybrid and crashes into a town. Of course, the Aliens run out and begin killing everyone. On the Predator home planet, a single lone Predator is assigned to clean up the mess. This entire film does nothing but show cardboard characters, who we do not care about, get brutally killed by either an Alien or a Predator. The violence and gore is definitely up there in the R-rating, but the worst thing is you can barely see a thing. The entire movie is dark, as in literally dark. Add on heavy rain, and the film becomes the greatest challenge to see what is going on. The editing is too fast, the camerawork is annoyingly shaky, the characters are shallow, and the violence is excessive, Requiem is the biggest excuse to make money.

Full review: http://dragoneyesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2012/07/avp-alien-vs-predator-2004-vs-avpr.html

18. FANTASTIC FOUR & FANTASTIC FOUR: RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER

For sure, a superhero movie becomes painstakingly bad when all the actors in the cast are terrible, whether they are facial expressions or line deliveries. Fantastic Four is the most goofy and cheesy entry to the superhero genre, with barely any substance that keeps the humanity in each hero. Though the visual effects themselves are entertaining and the makeup effect done on The Thing is admirable, the script is really what drained the powers away from Fantastic Four. As for the sequel, the same flaws plagued the film, and not even improved special effects and action sequences can save it. Oh and, I do not care how hot or sexy Jessica Alba is. She. can't. act.

17. RV

Out of all the lame Robin Williams comedies, RV is probably the most preposterous, in which you will find yourself laughing with guilt or facepalming with extreme embarrassment. The formulaic story of a disconnected family coming together on a road trip is getting old, and when the jokes are not fresh and the execution is not organic, the entire movie becomes very wheezy and contrived. For sure, Williams himself is very likable and there are very few moments where you pity him. Then again, you will feel bad for Robin Williams instead of his character, if you know what I mean. Directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, who did the Men in Black films, RV is a disappointing entry from both director and actor.

16. ERAGON

In terms of comparing it to the book, Eragon is an absolute disgrace, trashing away more than half of Christopher Paolini's novel. In terms of just a film, Eragon has one of the flattest acting in years, with a formulaic story of a farm boy who leaves his home to join an old man, finding himself drawn into a large conflict with an evil emperor. It is practically the story of Star Wars: A New Hope, but set in the world of Lord of the Rings. One sad thing about Eragon is the fact that Jeremy Irons and John Malkovich are both in the cast, sadly ruined. The effects are impressive, though, especially the dragon, which is probably the most faithful thing in the entire movie. The script, acting, directing, and execution, on the other hand, is the most dull direct-to-video quality I have seen in years. So don't even begin to ask me how it kills the novel. It kills itself.

15. SCOOBY-DOO & SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED

There are so many films out there where it stars live-action actors and some computer-generated character, and they both share the screen together. Films like Alvin & the Chipmunks, Garfield, and The Smurfs are just a few examples. I do not doubt that all those films can also be on my worst of all time list. Fortunately for me, I did not see those movies. Unfortunately for me, I did see both Scooby-Doo films, and they are horrible in the most embarrassing way possible. Though Matthew Lillard successfully pulls off an amazing impersonation of Shaggy, the rest of the cast has uncannily stiff acting, and the CGI work on Scooby can win a Razzie Award on its own. For a loud kids movie like this, both films actually manage to be "boring," in which nothing interesting happens. True, a lot of visual candy happens on screen, but nothing interesting in the story is there. Kids might get a kick out of it, but older audience members will surely not. In fact, when the kids grow up, both Scooby-Doo films will become prime examples of movies in which the kids will ask themselves in the future why they liked it when they were younger.

14. GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE

The directing may be more visually stylish than the previous film, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance is plagued and cursed by some of the dumbest one-liners in movie history, along with an inconsistent performance by Nicolas Cage. The visual effects look like they belong in a film that is ten years older, and the camerawork is shaky once again, a classic trait that has infected so many action films today. Spirit of Vengeance is the prime example of a movie that had so much potential to improve on its predecessor, but this time the filmmakers did not even try. It is the worst film of 2012, and frankly, it is one of the worst films of all time.

13. BATMAN & ROBIN

What?! How can Batman & Robin be only #13 on this list? Because honestly truly, the next twelve films are worse than this, but that does not save the neck for Joel Schumacher's misfire. With one of the worst casts in a movie, Batman & Robin is full of dreadful dialogue, almost all of them delivered by Arnold Schwarzenegger as Mr. Freeze. The acting is inconsistent and ridiculous, and the sets are absolutely laughable, going from a forest-looking playground for kids to a set made for Batman On Ice. It's true that Batman & Robin can be a movie where you get entertainment by laughing at it, but in terms of a film, this piece of bat-junk is so limp and tongue-in-cheek, there is nothing much to say anymore.

12. ZOOM

There are bad Robin Williams movies, and then there are bad Tim Allen movies. Out of all of the bad Tim Allen movies, the worst one is probably Zoom, where the film leeches off of everything we have seen a couple years earlier, from The Incredibles to Fantastic Four to Sky High. Think of those three, and take away laughs, crowd-pleasers, and wit. It is so sad that Tim Allen has been in horrible films like this as well as such clever masterpieces like Galaxy Quest. Zoom is a shocking waste of time, a copycat for family movies that fails to have any substance. Come to think of it, the heroes here are kids... I just thought of another better film you can watch instead. Spy Kids. That makes four examples now.

11. KANGAROO JACK

If you have ever seen the trailer for the film as well, you were probably fooled into thinking that the kangaroo in the movie talks. Nope, that does not happen either. Worst marketing trick ever. I remember being fooled as a kid, and even as a kid, I was disappointed and mad beyond belief when I saw the actual movie. It was horribly dumb back then, it is still horribly dumb today. When the story is about a pair of losers attempting to retrieve money back from a wild kangaroo, you know that this movie does not even care. Worse, the film appeals to kids, and is rated PG, but I promise you, you will lose count how much violence and sexual jokes are in it. Completely unacceptable.

We are now in the top ten... things are about to get exceptionally bad... appallingly bad...

10. PREMONITION

Oh boy. Just like how Zoom trashes superhero films, Premonition trashes mystery thrillers like Memento and Sixth Sense. All you need to do is subtract logic, likable characters, and substance, and replace those elements with flashbacks, flashbacks, and... more flashbacks. Poorly acted by Sandra Bullock, though I do not blame her much, Premonition comes in with a shoe horned script of themes. Confusingly paced, the film creates no suspense nor a sense to care. And to make the movie even more out of the blue, the film becomes religious halfway in. If I were to pick one word to describe Premonition, it is "sloppy."

9. LOONEY TUNES: BACK IN ACTION

Let me start by saying I am a critic who actually enjoyed Space Jam, the famous collaboration between live actors and the lovable characters from the Looney Tunes cartoons. This time, the filmmakers attempt to do it again, but with the loudest energy and the smallest effort. The plot makes little to no sense, too looney and wacky beyond comprehension, and thus the pacing of the film is convoluted and jumbled up. For a film like Back in Action, it is even less tolerable when almost every frame is flooded with Looney Tunes characters, rendering the product as a visual cacophony. Watching Back in Action is like eating too much sugar, and someone asks you to imagine what a movie would be like if Looney Tunes was combined with an unfunny Brendan Fraser and Steve Martin with a horrible haircut.

8. THE HAPPENING

What?! How can The Happening be only #8 on this list? Because honestly, in a similar way as Batman & Robin, the next seven films are worse. Yes, this is the film that everyone talked about, as one of the worst films of M. Night Shyamalan, where the plot is about plants releasing a deadly toxin that causes humans to kill themselves. In contrast to Shyamalan's previous films like Sixth Sense and Signs, The Happening is very poorly acted and poorly written and is unbelievably slow in the pacing department. For sure, the film is boring, and once in a while is unintentionally funny, which leads me to call The Happening as one of the funniest films ever that never wanted to be funny. With Mark Wahlberg in the leading role and Zooey Deschanel in the supporting chair (why is she in this movie?), The Happening is so idiotic and incoherent.

7. DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION

You know, there are just some films out there where its sole purpose is to anger everyone. Fortunately for me, I was never a fan of Dragonball. At the same time, I know the pain that everyone felt. Dragonball Evolution to the original cult sensation is basically the Mortal Kombat movie to the original game. The film's CGI is good at some quick moments and then appear unrendered in others, the dialogue is terrible, the narrative overall does not ever try to have suspense, excitement, nor entertainment. This is not just a bastardization of the original series, it is a bastardization of filmmaking. I openly volunteer to stand on the receiving end of a Kamehameha wave...

6. SCARY MOVIE V

When a Scary Movie becomes bad even in terms of a Scary Movie, you know that all hope is lost. Scary Movie V is the prime example of a horror parody that no longer even tries at being a parody. It plays like an inside joke for a group of people, and because they have the money to make a movie, they make one and expect everyone else to be on board. Sadly, we're not and we never will be. Without Anna Faris, the film no longer has the charm and innocent ridicule in its content. In fact, in terms of style and jokes, this does not even feel like a Scary Movie. It is dumb, sloppy, and unorganized, and its funniest joke is a pop culture joke, not a parody on a horror film. The scariest thing about Scary Movie V, though, is the possibility of making another sequel...

Full review: http://dragoneyesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2013/04/scary-movie-v-2013.html

This is it... the top five worst films of all time... This is the point where I start to get real angry...

5. SON OF THE MASK

..............Can I just say that this movie is so painfully *unfunny*? The worst part about it is you can see how hard the movie is trying to be funny without Jim Carrey as the lead character. The CGI is bad, the tone is crazy as if the director is high or had too much coffee, and the entire execution is stupid. There is no story worth talking about for this movie. This is just a cluster of loud scenarios in which things get wrecked. For sure, Son of the Mask is the worst sequel ever made. It will soon become a prime example of a $1 movie that is found at the bottom of bargain bins in stores like Wal-Mart. Believe me, it is not even worth the money for that. That one dollar can be used to buy something else. Some delicious little sweet deserves better.

4. THE CAT IN THE HAT

When the entire film is filled with double entendres, flat jokes, and potty humor, you know that The Cat in the Hat is truly fell downhill towards a pit. Mike Myers fails to charm the audience with his poor impression of the lively Cat, something that even Jim Carrey was able to pull off in How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Instead, Myers has created a character who annoys. The worst thing about this film is.... practically everything. The directing, the execution, the tone, everything. I cannot help but ask "What kind of sick person thought that this was appropriate to kids?" and "What kind of idiot thought that this would be funny and greenlit this?" You know another thing that's horrible about this film? Paris Hilton shows up in it...

3. CATWOMAN

This is the greatest disaster the superhero genre has ever faced, in which no one, not even the filmmakers, care for the hero. Even with Halle Berry as the lead, the film is led away by the director, who uses flashy images and no substance. Berry portrays a character who soon dies and is then revived as Catwoman. Why she is revived, the film never explains. In addition, just because she now has the traits of a cat does not mean she can now climb around buildings like a spider, or possess martial arts skills. Furthermore, Berry is just downright terrible in this movie, so terrible that it is impossible to believe that she has won an Oscar before. For sure, in the future, Catwoman is a superhero trash in which all future superhero trash would be judged. In the year 2011, when Green Lantern was released, I remember how bad the film was. In response, I told myself that at least it wasn't Catwoman. It is as if the film believes that we audience members are cats and have nine lives, and that the film is out to kill one of them. You think we lost one and have eight left? Sorry, you killed us.

2. THE LAST AIRBENDER

You were waiting for me to talk about this one, right? Am I allowed to say I'm too tired to talk about this? Am I allowed to just link you to the full review that I have written in the past? Because by now, you probably already know everything that is wrong with The Last Airbender, which is basically... everything. I will just be straightforward here: The Last Airbender is one out of two films in which I have given a rating of zero. The other film is coming up...

Full review: http://dragoneyesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-last-airbender-2010.html

1. MOVIE 43

.......No, I still don't know why it is called Movie 43. I have no idea, okay? But I do know that I want to burn this movie 43 times, and I have made more than 43 attempts to forget this movie. Sadly, they have all failed. This is not a movie. This is a crime against filmmaking that represents everything wrong with Hollywood and the film industry in America today. Period.

Full review: http://dragoneyesmoviereviews.blogspot.com/2013/01/movie-43-2013.html